I remember when I was
pregnant with Lily, my mom told me that pretty soon my friends would mostly
consist of other people with kids. I was a bit appalled by the whole idea. One,
because I didn’t really have any friends with kids so I was about to be SOL if
that was true and two, I didn’t want to become THAT girl who couldn’t hang with
her old friends.
Now, I’m not here to say that I am no longer in LOVE with my (amazing, beautiful, intelligent) friends who don’t have kids, because I am. I am so in love with them it hurts, but the honest truth is we have grown apart. I truly believe it is a temporary distance and I can already feel it closing as I come out of the intense haze that tiny people create in their first couple years of life, but the reality is that the people I see, the people I relate to, are my friends with kids. I haaaaaaate being that girl. I don’t think my life is better, or worse, than my friends’ lives. I know they love me and they love my girls, but our lives are just so different.
I’m still in the place where your kids are so little and all your brainpower is focused on their every need at every moment. I guess it is just easier to relate to other people who are also in the thick of it (they too are amazing and beautiful and intelligent, for the record.) It is nice to talk to someone who thinks it is normal to discuss poop for 45 minutes, who understands my fears about starting pre-school, and weaning, and I don’t know, semi-sharp objects?
I have no doubt that I will reconnect with my other friends in good time as I am able to reclaim a bit of my own identity separate from my kids. I chose to do this and I am happy to be able to be there completely in this intense time of motherhood, but it makes it a bit difficult to get out, you know?
I miss my friends. I miss sitting around and laughing about silly things and crying about serious things and then laughing about crying. Friends, if you read this, I miss you! I’m not gone. I’m just taking a leave of absence from my life as a regular human. Don't give up on me.
Now, I’m not here to say that I am no longer in LOVE with my (amazing, beautiful, intelligent) friends who don’t have kids, because I am. I am so in love with them it hurts, but the honest truth is we have grown apart. I truly believe it is a temporary distance and I can already feel it closing as I come out of the intense haze that tiny people create in their first couple years of life, but the reality is that the people I see, the people I relate to, are my friends with kids. I haaaaaaate being that girl. I don’t think my life is better, or worse, than my friends’ lives. I know they love me and they love my girls, but our lives are just so different.
I’m still in the place where your kids are so little and all your brainpower is focused on their every need at every moment. I guess it is just easier to relate to other people who are also in the thick of it (they too are amazing and beautiful and intelligent, for the record.) It is nice to talk to someone who thinks it is normal to discuss poop for 45 minutes, who understands my fears about starting pre-school, and weaning, and I don’t know, semi-sharp objects?
I have no doubt that I will reconnect with my other friends in good time as I am able to reclaim a bit of my own identity separate from my kids. I chose to do this and I am happy to be able to be there completely in this intense time of motherhood, but it makes it a bit difficult to get out, you know?
I miss my friends. I miss sitting around and laughing about silly things and crying about serious things and then laughing about crying. Friends, if you read this, I miss you! I’m not gone. I’m just taking a leave of absence from my life as a regular human. Don't give up on me.
Love this post! (: Soon I might be "that girl", but my friends have stuck it out and things haven't changed between any of us as of yet. Hope you get quality time with your girls soon.
ReplyDeleteIt's really hard to separate the girls we "used" to be and the moms we are today. I just don't have a lot of things in common with the few single friends I have left. I don't drink, I don't party, those things just don't interest me anymore. My childless friends - I still love them just the same but it sure is easier to get together for play dates with kids!
ReplyDeleteWell this made me cry at my desk a little... :) The good cry though I promise! It's weird for us to be in this stage where half of us are making babies and the other half are making online dating profiles, but I know we all still love each other just as much as we always have. And thank goodness you're forging ahead with the baby-making because when I get there you'll have allllll the tips and tricks and hand me downs a new mom could ask for!
ReplyDeletePS- God I love that picture of us. Such a great night.
Yes to this. Yes.
ReplyDeleteI was totally convinced that my friendships wouldn't change and that I wouldn't become "that friend" who talked about her kid all the time and that my time with my kidless friends would be just the same as it had always been. Boy was I in for a surprise.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you're at a much better spot with the balance with all this than I am :o)
As someone who's friends are starting to have babies this is definitely something to keep in mind! Interesting!
ReplyDeleteWe miss you too, Chels. You're doing an awesome amazing job as a mama though and we know you're still there and we'll see you soon. :) Plus, you will have all the motherhood secrets for us - so thanks for forging the way. It's a testament to our friendships that even when we are all in such different places in life, we think about and still love each other so much. Love you!!
ReplyDelete