I pride myself on being a fairly positive person. I try to see the best in people. I try to live without regrets. But today? Today I am just ornery. I hit my head getting into the car this morning and shouted "Great!" Then I turned on the car and remembered that Ryan didn't fill up the gas tank last night like he had planned "Awesome!" I shout. As I approach a 4-way stop on the way to the gas station, someone doesn't wait their turn. I literally scream alone in my car "I effing hate all of you!" Don't worry, no one could hear me.
Seriously though, what is wrong with me? I am fine now, I've had some alone time and some breakfast, but I think I need to recharge. Things that normally wouldn't phase me are making me scream or burst into tears the last few days. I know, I know, I am quite pregnant and I am sure that has a lot to do with it. Not only do I have crazy hormones, but I am starting to get uncomfortable and tired.
It doesn't help that every day I have someone commenting on how big I am getting. Now, I know people think that since it is about being pregnant and growing a beautiful little baby that they aren't saying something offensive when they exclaim "Whoa! Look at you! And you still have a ways to go? Bigger with the second huh?" Seriously? Seriously. Listen to yourself speak. This is my body, which you normally have no right to comment on. Yes, the intention is usually to communicate excitement over a new baby and I appreciate that. But, imagine you had some condition where every day your eyes got more and more bloodshot until they were almost bursting and then suddenly after 9 months of bloodshot eyes... you get a miniature pony. No matter how excited you were for that adorable miniature pony, it would still annoy you if every day I commented on how freaking bloodshot your eyes looked. That is a weird analogy. I'm tired.
Anyway, here is a cute picture of Lily. She is amazing and every time I look at her I question my sanity, because who could ever be grumpy for even a second when they have this around?
We have so much fun stuff to look forward to this weekend, my girl turns TWO! My wonderful family makes me so happy and I know I am lucky in every aspect of my life. I mean, I'm not exactly living in war-torn Sudan right now. It feels rather ridiculous to ever be anything less than ecstatic, but it happens. I'm fine now.
I can totally relate! We have SO MUCH to be grateful for in our lives, why should we complain? Because we are human, and we feel hurt, disappointment, annoyance, just like everyone else. And that's okay. I struggle sometimes, when I am in a funk, with the thought that I shouldn't be down, because I am not starving, homeless, lonely, living in a war-torn country. But it's okay to not feel perfect all the time. Hormones do a number on me every month, and during pregnancy you get no break for 10 months! I've come to accept that I am going to go through cycles of feeling bummed out and angry, but know I will always pull through. Whew. Sorry, but I am giving myself a pep talk too ;-)
ReplyDeleteEverybody has days that are not all rainbow/jellybean filled. :) No worries. We (I) still like you, very much.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I'm not the only one. We are so blessed it feels silly to ever complain, but sometimes you just need to scream a bit and then everything feels better. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks! I like you too!
ReplyDeleteDo you have pre-party planning stress? I'm sure this will pass. We should go out for ice cream and chocolate...and gelato.
ReplyDelete